Merry Christmas 2015

How wonderful today was as I celebrated Christmas with my family, including the newest member of the family, Christian, born on December 18th.

These boys made my Christmas!

A1C...

What's in a number?  

There's two sides to every story.

As two people their opinion and you'll get two different opinions.

6.8

Family doctor, work on lowering that.

Endocronologist, great work on getting this down!

Don't judge me by my number... 6.8.

Happy Harvest Season!

Got to do some crafting for the Harvest Festival...

Turned out better than I thought it would.

I imagined it being a 'Pinterest Flop' but it came out much better.

It's true beauty comes through when the lights are dimmed...

What do you think?

Want to spend some time over candlelight and celebrate the harvest season?  I do.

You'll Never Guess What's Reared Its Ugly Head Again...

After 21 months...

Really?  Are you playing some kinda cruel joke on me?  

WTF?

Well, at least I am not preggers... but how funny would that be if me and BOTH my daughters were preggo at the same time?

This has got to be a world record... and of course, lucky me, to hold it!

That's it... period!

Visit It's Not Always ApParent...

For update on mom... and what else has been going on in my 'wonderful' life!

Actually, it's a wonderful life... filled with crap I have to deal with :)  

Happy Friday folks, bring on the weekend!

Whelp, He's 6 Hours Away...

Pittsburgh is his home prison...

Just about as far away from home as possible... there's probably another one further, like in Erie, but still he's been placed clear across the state.

Ah, more to come.

Still Haven't Seen Him

So my education of the state penal system remains at bay.  It's coming soon, of this I am sure... it will come.

I have been emailing him and he's been responding by writing letters and using snail mail, aka USPS. So the responses are delayed a wee bit.

Have not had a chance to speak live with him over the phone, with the exception of a '20 second FREE call' which cut me off in mid-sentence.  We basically said hi and he said he's not good...

Once cut off, a recording tells you that you can stay on and find out how you can begin to receive calls from your inmate... whoo hoo!

After about 20 minutes 'talking' and 'keying in' information oh, and giving my credit card #, I am registered to begin getting calls.  In the meantime, he tried to call me twice but I wasn't able to take his call b/c I wasn't going to hang up on the 'automated voice' that was registering me.  oh and while registering you get the option to hear what a typical 15 minute phone call would cost based on 'your inmate's' location.  

Of course! I'd like to know how much a call would cost so I can figure out how much is left.  The automated voice tells me how much based on the inmate's location... which was the first location he went to when starting his state sentencing... OMG, he's been transferred back to THAT facility as his 'home' prison?  THAT facility, where on his first night there a fellow inmate was stabbed in the shower and he decided NOT to take a shower???  OMG, is this what 'not so good' meant when he said it?

I am frantic with worry.... I can't talk to him, haven't seen him since court sentencing but no communication with him there... wtf????

Then it seemed like an eternity until I heard from him again.  A letter arrived... a sigh of relief was heard across the land... that is, until, I opened up the letter and saw the contents...

Stay tuned, more to come...


#IHateHeroin #WarOnDrugs #HeroinKills #HeroinKillsMoreThanTheAddict #HeroinRuinsLives #prisonlife #crimedoesntpay #crime #criminal #drugskill #heroinekills #ihateheroin #prison #statecorrectionalfacility #pastatecorrectionalfacility #ilovemyson #shithappens

Another Life Lesson Begins Tomorrow... Hasn't Happened Just Yet :(

My son was moved before I could get to visit him at the first location.  He's now in a facility where they will assess and assign him to a home prison.

Luckily I got a letter telling me he was going to be moved.  So I didn't visit.

Here's his home since June 26th... lovely right?

I read a 3 part article about the inside of this facility that was written in April of this year.  There were many pictures and the reporter wrote about what type of assessments are done and what happens to inmates as they go through the system.

From the article, depending upon the assessment, they are usually assigned to their 'home' prison in 2 or 3 weeks....

As far as I know, he's still there.

I send emails to him, trying to provide positive thoughts for him to contemplate as well as the mundane events of my life outside his walls... so far, he's only handwritten me back.  Not sure if he will be able to email me or not.

So, I have learned more about the process, just not visitation at a State Correctional Institution... at least, not yet.

More to come as this journey is traveled...

#IHateHeroin #WarOnDrugs #HeroinKills #HeroinKillsMoreThanTheAddict #HeroinRuinsLives #prisonlife #crimedoesntpay #crime #criminal #drugskill #heroinekills #ihateheroin #prison #statecorrectionalfacility #pastatecorrectionalfacility #ilovemyson #shithappens

Another Life Lesson Begins Tomorrow

I consider myself a life-long learner, or student so to speak.  I like to learn new things.  Some of the things I have had the chance to learn are NOT what I would choose to learn, but rather the result of life's relentless sense of humor towards me.  

One of those lessons was how the county penal system works and all the BS and inefficiencies that can be found there.  Really, wtf? If they were any other business, they'd be fired or go out of business... but that's right, we're talking about the jails in America... there's not shortage of patrons to these facilities so it matters not just how good or bad they are... they are needed and are run horribly.

Well tomorrow, I get to learn a new thing... how the state system of correctional facilities operates... and boy, oh boy, am I super excited to learn... NOT!  But I want to visit my son, I missed seeing him before he was sent 'upstate' at the county facility because of the Carters,Edisons and Einsteins employed by them!

I have done research on various posts over the years on what I can expect.  Thank goodness others have shared this information for us 'newbies' to gather and prepare... if I went there blindly, I'd be so much more upset.  There's no information online that tells you the ins and outs of the process and what to expect.

Believe me, I hope to go with an open mind... at least my expectations are not set too high... Oh and his next stint at the next facility in a few months will be one heck of a joyride too! Can you hear the sarcasm in my typing?

More to come... or not!  Depends on how I do.  

Just a prayer for me to be able to overcome being too upset seeing him in his new environment... please.  Wish me luck.

Tootles Dahlings
~M

Dahlings... UPDATE... I received another letter from the cellie himself just in time to let me know that no visitors until after July 4th... he's sequestered for 30 days... so THIS life lesson isn't happening today... but maybe later in the summer when I can.

#prisonlife #crimedoesntpay #crime #criminal #drugskill #heroinekills #ihateheroin #prison #statecorrectionalfacility #pastatecorrectionalfacility #ilovemyson #shithappens

Heroin Kills Period... Continued

Wasn't she a beautiful person? 

Crystal was revived and placed on life support with the dimmest of prognosis.  Her chances of pulling through were slim.

10 days she remained on life support,
10 days of agonizing pain and sadness.
10 days of nightmares, reliving the odd circumstances that transpired that fateful evening.
10 days of visiting the CICU to talk aloud to her lifeless body, as the machine pumped oxygen into her lungs.
10 long, exhausting, sad days.

During this time, I found myself wondering if I was having a nightmare and would awaken.  Sooooo much transpired and sooo much was found out... I felt like I was living an episode of the Showtime series Shameless.

This world of drugs and addicts was so far away from the life I lead.

We found out from the hospital that Crystal had been to the same ER on the day before New Year's Eve.  Apparently she was having a hard time breathing after doing heroin and she came to the ER, where they administered Narcan and once she felt better and could breathe again, she signed herself out, to their dismay.  Her mother figured out that that day, December 30, was the day she got out of rehab...  so this poor young lady had been in rehab in December too, got out and used then too.

OMG, same pattern but this time, was different. How horrifying this was to me, I had no idea and to the best of my knowledge, based on her mother's, brother's and my son's reaction they did not know about that ER visit.

Let me back track a bit.... to when my son and I were in the CICU waiting room... we were there before her mother and brother arrived.  I never met them but my son had.  From what Crystal had told me, she did not get along with either of them.  Her mother was an alcoholic and brother was in trouble with the law, he had been arrested for having a portable meth lab in his car.

First thing the mother said to my son was, We don't blame you, so you can tell us the truth, were you using with her?  The only people to blame for this is her, her father and me.

One of the conversations I had in the waiting room with the brother was how he didn't understand why she did stuff until she passed out... he didn't like to get high and pass out, instead he like to get high and just chill.  He never partied with her but he knew she would get to the point where she passed out.

Another one of the conversations went along the lines of me saying that in the short time I knew her, I found her to be very caring, sweet and personable... to which her brother replied, that's because she didn't know you.. if she did, she'd be a real bitch and fight with you.

Mind you, these were some of the conversations we had while waiting to be able to go back and see her... I honestly thought I was on an episode of SHAMELESS with William H. Macy... her family life was so dysfuntional, no wonder this child had issues.

On the 10th day, her parents made the sad decision to remove her from life support and once the ventilator was removed, she passed on peacefully.

More to come in another post.

#IHateHeroin #WarOnDrugs #HeroinKills #HeroinKillsMoreThanTheAddict #HeroinRuinsLives

He's Going Upstate

Well, he's been terminated from Treatment Court and is headed upstate to do his time.

He's been through a lot lately, but he's got to take the consequences of his actions...

And he is.

Looks like I'll get an new education in the state system... Yipee! 

Experiment - Correlation Between the More You Post and the More You Get Visits Begins

I've been very bad about posting...

It seems like I posted alot at the beginning.
Towards the middle it waned.
Finally, I neglected it altogether.

I noticed that as my posts began to dwindle down, so too had my visits.

With the longer summer days, I would like to start to get back in the saddle and begin to post again.  So much has happened but I've not wanted to 'talk' about it because it's not pleasant, they type of thing I usually like to talk about.

I tend to withdrawl when my life starts going downhill.  And the last year, I've had some very significant downhill happenings where things quickly hit bottom.

Anyway, let's see if I can get back on the horse and begin posting again... and in the event that I do, I see more visitors to my page.

As noted in the 'headline' of my page, just everyday happenings, some interesting some not... you decide.

Heroin Kills Period

It's just about a week since my son rushed his girlfriend out of our home to the ER as she gasped for air every 10 seconds or so.

She's been on a ventilator and in a coma ever since.

It's so sad.

Guess I should start at the beginning, a very good place to start.  When you read you begin with A, B, C, when you sing you begin with Do, Re, Me...  oops... I digress.

Last Thursday morning around 2 AM I woke up.  Not sure exactly what it was that woke me up... I think it was some kind of noise, but I did get up out of bed and walk around to my bedroom door.  As I walked there, I noticed my son's bedroom door was opened and no light on... oh and the downstairs light was on too.  I figured he and his girlfriend must have been down in the living room watching TV... and it must have been loud... and THAT's what woke me up...

So I stood there for a minute to see if I could hear anything... and then I hear UD Police Department loudly said in a deep voice... so I walked to the top of the steps confused and once again,  in a loud deep voice... UD Police Department.  I walked to the landing and saw two police officers standing at the bottom of the steps saying UD Police.  Confused I said yes? What do you want? and they said Your son is at DC Memorial Hospital and gave us permission to search his room. Can you show us where his room is?

Still trying to wake up and make sense of what was going on, I said, Do I need to go to the hospital?  They said, 'No, your son is fine, it's his girlfriend and it doesn't look good.'  Doesn't look good??? what's that supposed to mean?  What happened? Do I need to go to the hospital?, still confused.

We knocked on the door, rang the doorbell and the door was opened so we came in.  Your son gave us permission to search his room, can you show us where it is?... sure, it's up here.

Long story short, my son woke up to his girlfriend gasping for air about every 10 seconds,  he picked her up and drove her to the ER... it's quicker than calling 911 for an ambulance... we're just about a mile away from the hospital.  When he arrived, he jumped out of the car to get a wheel chair and by the time he got back to the car, she had stopped breathing.  He went back into the ER and yelled she's not breathing now, help!

She was down for at least 15 minutes before they could resuscitate her.  Long time to be down...

What makes this even sadder is that she just got out of 40 days of rehab that morning... 40 days of clean and sober... 40 days... and she used... and overdosed... and will likely die.

I have to stop writing right now... more to come when I can continue....

#IHateHeroin #WarOnDrugs #HeroinKills #HeroinKillsMoreThanTheAddict #HeroinRuinsLives

Sad Day Today...

Even before my previous post of heroin's invasion of my home again, today was a sad day for my family.

My 2nd daughter was spotting and went for an ultrasound... the baby had no heartbeat.

It broke my heart to hear this news... we were all so excited and now so sad.  And then heroin had to rear its ugly, demonic head... again.

Stop the world, I want to jump off!

The Demon Has Invaded My Home... Again!

Anyone that has followed me knows a couple of things about me...
I Hate Heroin
I have a son who's addicted to heroin
I have a son who's been in trouble with the law because of heroin
I have a son who's relapsed more times than I care to count
I have a son whom I am not able to help any longer

Heroin ruins lives.
Lives of addicts.
Lives of addicts' families,
Lives of addicts' friends,
Lives of anyone who gives a shit about an addict,
Heroin ruins lives.

My son had been doing pretty well lately,
but I always know that this demon will be back...
Imagine Arnold saying, I'll be back!
That's this demon... always comes back!

And I HATE it!
I HATE IT!
I HATE HEROIN!

Dear God, in your infinite wisdom, please help me, watch over my son and rid our lives of this demon known as heroin!  I feel so helpless, useless and beaten up... I am spent... again.  Amen.

#ihateheroin #heroinkills #heroinsucks #demonheroin #monsterheroin #GodHelpHeroinAddicts #heroinaddicts

Sad Anniversaries

January rolls around and I find myself getting sad as I celebrate (how ironic to use that word) the anniversary of my dad's death.  2015 finds me 'celebrating' the 28th anniversary of my dad's death.

Wow, 28 years sounds like a long time... and it is.  You would think it would get easier the longer that day goes in the past... but it is not.

He had beautiful blue eyes... like Paul Newman's.

I am grateful for the 27 years I had dad in my life but I wish I could have had him a few more years. (Okay all you math wizards... how old am I as I write this?)

I did have the final year of dad's life to get to know him better, for that I am grateful.  Some people never get that chance.

I found as I had my children, I'd say the same (mean) silly things to my kids as he'd say to us.  NOTE: the (mean) was my interpretation of what was being said as a child, however, as an adult saying it... I found it funny.

For instance, if we left a room, we were to turn off the light or if we opened the door in the winter, we were to close it as quickly after entering as we could.  Otherwise, we'd be greeted by dad with a, "I only work for the electric company, I don't own it... turn off the lights!" or a, "I only work for the electric company, I don't own it... I can't afford to heat all of Norwood!".

During his final year, I remember sitting in my parent's breakfast nook and talking with my dad over coffee. I said, "You know how you used to say that to us?", his response, "Yes."  Me, "How did you say that all the time and not laugh at us? I always thought you were being mean or hollering at us and yet, as I find myself saying the same silly stuff to my kids, I crack up!" (Oh I know he had conservation and costs on his mind when he'd say it... me too, but honestly, that's pretty funny... I don't own the electric company...)

I find myself a wee bit sad as each Jan 21st comes and goes and I miss my dad... all the 'what if he'd lived' enter my mind... would he have helped us and how would he have helped when hubby got injured in 1991?, would he have helped and how would he have helped with my youngest son during those formative years when hubby was not able to be a true 'dad' to him due to the disability and the personal issues he was dealing with on his own?

I am aware that these questions will never have answers and musing over them is a waste of time so I should not even give them a thought... but I can't help but wonder if all the drug issues with my youngest would have been (or could have been) avoided?  I am confident my father would have taken on a more 'fatherly' role and become the role model my hubby was not able to be at that time.  Perhaps a strict disciplinarian role.

You see, dad was a vet, a Gunnery Sargent who fought in WWII and the Korean War.  We were raised with that 3 square upbringing... he was a drill sargent to us.  We towed the line, we followed orders, we did our fair share, we served.

I don't recall my dad being a touchy, feely person but I never felt unloved either.  I believe he did the best he could and his style of raising us was very well complimented by my mother's style.

Oh, I ramble on... my apologies.

Last year, on this day, the day after I 'celebrate' dad's anniversary, a friend passed away.  So today, I recall and celebrate that friend... adding to the sadness I already feel.

Tomorrow is another day... tomorrow I shall pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

R.I.P. dad and Mary... I hope you are both in Heaven, having a blast and waiting to greet me when I head to those great pearly gates... but not just yet... I have lots I still want to do.

<3 ~M

Few and Far Between

My posts have been few and far between here at Ming's Things. I've been busy and focused on the other blog I started about mom moving in and the day-to-day happenings with that situation.

I am off for the annual company sales meeting and another visit with my cousin after that.  Change of scenery and people should be a welcomed break from here...

Stay warm... happy I am headed south, hope the weather is a bit warmer than here... brrrrrrrrrr....