A New Beginning or The Beginning of The End?

Well, the deal came to fruition this week.

He's been released. 

(NOTE: No Bail, image just shows someone getting released!)

What I don't get is that his PO called me asking if he had a place to live with me.  I told the PO, exactly what I told Andrew the week before AND on Saturday when I went to visit him in the correctional facility... 

You cannot live with your father and me. We thought we were doing the right thing last time by permitting you to live with us but after you got arrested AGAIN, we realize that what we thought (giving you life's basic necessities; food & shelter) we were doing was helping you but actually was enabling you to continue to use heroin.  So you will never be able to call our house your home.  You will have to work with your Counselor & PO to find a place to live when you are released.

Guess what?...  Come on, say it, "What?"

Andrew was released anyway without a place to go to!  He called (collect) from the correctional facility asking me to leave his insulin in the mailbox.  He would stop by and pick it up that night after getting released.

Hubby, who's been having his own issues mind you, was awake at 3am and saw Andrew sleeping in an Adirondak chair on the front porch.  Hubby went out side door with flashlight and asked him what he was doing here... Andrew proceeded to tell his father that I only left one type of insulin in the mailbox and he needed both.  

I left a note wrapped around the insulin that read, "Do not knock up on the door.  Do not stop by here without making prior arrangements."  Guess that's why he was sleeping on the chair.

After a banana and a few crab balls (leftovers), he walked away into the darkness telling his father he had to see his PO in the county seat in the morning.

Making a long story longer, his PO's supervisor was able to secure Andrew a bed in a county halfway house.  Andrew called and asked me if I'd bring over a few clothes and toiletries for him to last a week because he was in 'blackout' for a week after getting there.

Please God, let this time be the time your power works and helps this young man break free of his heroin addiction.
Please God, keep him in your care and watch over him.
Please God, make this a new beginning, the first day of the rest of his life, a drug free life, a long, happy and fulfilled life.
Please God, help me get through this rough time... it's truly eating away at me and killing me.

As if there's not enough turmoil in my life at this time but all the while having to deal with my feelings of fright (when I found he was being released - you see at least when he's incarcerated I know he's not doing drugs and is 'safe'), hubby's interthecal pump (affectionately called his morphine pump) that implanted in his abdomen, stopped working July 19th!  He's not been getting his morphinc so in addition to going through withdrawl (and not knowing it because we didn't know the pump stopped 4 days after his last refill) his pain level has been increasing each and every day! He's scheduled for surgery this Monday morning to have this pump removed and a new one implanted.  When his pain level increases, so too does his depression and he begins to get very clingy.  This drives me crazy!!!!

Please God, make the anti-nausea medication begin to work so he stops vomiting everything he eats.
Please God, help him deal with the pain level as it increases.
Please God, allay his fears of the upcoming surgery... this is the 3rd or 4th pump he's had implanted and for some reason, this time he's really scared.
Please God, help me get through this rough time... it's truly eating away at me and killing me.

Oh God, I come to you so often to help me and mine when times are so rough.  I often feel like I am at your ear constantly.  I often say that I don't have to look much further than my front door to find a soul in more pain than I, and for that I am grateful but (and I hate that there's a but) I am drowning, I am popping up and gasping for breath, I am at your mercy, I am feeling very much defeated.

Thank you for all the good you have given me.  I have a wonderful family, beautiful grandsons that make me so happy and a job to help pay the bills.  I am just going through a rough time and I sure could use your grace to help me deal with these issues.

Please God, keep my hubby & son in your heart these next few weeks and see both through their individual turmoils to a happy, pain free life.

I am dropping all these requests into your care and know that your will shall be done.

Amen.