Happy Labor Day 2013!

To all those Americans

who get up every weekday

(or weeknight, or weekend)

and schlep it to work

I wish you a wonderful

Labor Day holiday weekend!

I look forward to the extra day OFF,

however, it's bittersweet isn't it?

It's the unofficial end to summer!

Next thing you know Santa will be

at the malls and visions of sugarplums

will be dancing in little ones' heads!

Stay safe as you celebrate!

Need some help with putting a smile on your face?

Then take a gander at this...
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Betcha had to smile, right? 

Come on, you did, didn't you?

Have a great day!

My boyfriends are sleeping over...

and I couldn't be happier



and more tired



but a good kind of tired


both are finally asleep


time for me to do the same


not for beauty sleep (although I NEED tons of that)


but to rest up for the night and day ahead


tomorrow's gonna be a good day! (I hope)

Rules Are Made...

...to be broken.

Hubby's surgery went well.  Luckily the catheter from the pump to the spinal column was not blocked so the swap out of the pump was relatively uneventful.  YAY!  Oh and get this, the manufacturer of the pump had two representatives there (as they usually are) who stated that THIS is the FIRST time this has happened (pump failing).  Really??? Are you kidding me?  THIS is our luck... why can't we have that one in a million luck with the lottery?  But I digress.

Now, let's get to the rules part.

Oh, come on, if you are a regular (or semi-regular) reader, you probably have already guessed who this is about already!  For those of you new to my rants, umm posts, it's gonna be about my son, the one who follows his own rules.

He called me on my cell this morning asking if I could get in touch with his father and have him drive him to his PO meeting at 5pm today.  Well Daddy couldn't help even if he wanted... aforesaid surgery incapacitated him today.

Told sonny boy to borrow money from someone for the trolley.

After dinner tonight there's a doorbell ring.  I go to the door, open it and who do you think is there?

My oh my dear readers, you ARE getting good at this game.... it's him!  Can I give him a ride to halfway house... umm, NO!  You're supposed to be on 'blackout'.  Instead of taking the trolley to the end of the line, he hopped off at the stop near our house and stopped by.

I thought you were supposed to call ahead and make arrangements before stopping by.  What is it about call before coming and make arrangements don't you understand?

Well, can I get some things that you didn't bring over to the halfway house?... What things?  Glasses and my pants that I asked for.  Oh, I couldn't find those pants so I gave you two other pairs, but No, you're supposed to be on blackout and how will you explain how you got the glasses and pants????  If I give them to you, I will pick up the phone and call the halfway house and let them know you stopped by here.

He says, "This is ridiculous!"  and I said, "You're right!  It is ridiculous!" and with that he grumbles and charges off walking a few steps towards the halfway house, then does a 180 and heads the other direction.  NOTE: same direction as the Wawa where he would go and meet his dealer.  But I am not worried because if he makes any mistakes, he's upstate for seven years... no questions asked.

Oh, dear Lord, why does he think rules are made to be broken?  Tough Love is tough on me.  Help me through this period, fill me with your grace.  Thanks for hearing me and listening Lord.  It is with you that all things are possible.  Let your will be done.  Amen.

A New Beginning or The Beginning of The End?

Well, the deal came to fruition this week.

He's been released. 

(NOTE: No Bail, image just shows someone getting released!)

What I don't get is that his PO called me asking if he had a place to live with me.  I told the PO, exactly what I told Andrew the week before AND on Saturday when I went to visit him in the correctional facility... 

You cannot live with your father and me. We thought we were doing the right thing last time by permitting you to live with us but after you got arrested AGAIN, we realize that what we thought (giving you life's basic necessities; food & shelter) we were doing was helping you but actually was enabling you to continue to use heroin.  So you will never be able to call our house your home.  You will have to work with your Counselor & PO to find a place to live when you are released.

Guess what?...  Come on, say it, "What?"

Andrew was released anyway without a place to go to!  He called (collect) from the correctional facility asking me to leave his insulin in the mailbox.  He would stop by and pick it up that night after getting released.

Hubby, who's been having his own issues mind you, was awake at 3am and saw Andrew sleeping in an Adirondak chair on the front porch.  Hubby went out side door with flashlight and asked him what he was doing here... Andrew proceeded to tell his father that I only left one type of insulin in the mailbox and he needed both.  

I left a note wrapped around the insulin that read, "Do not knock up on the door.  Do not stop by here without making prior arrangements."  Guess that's why he was sleeping on the chair.

After a banana and a few crab balls (leftovers), he walked away into the darkness telling his father he had to see his PO in the county seat in the morning.

Making a long story longer, his PO's supervisor was able to secure Andrew a bed in a county halfway house.  Andrew called and asked me if I'd bring over a few clothes and toiletries for him to last a week because he was in 'blackout' for a week after getting there.

Please God, let this time be the time your power works and helps this young man break free of his heroin addiction.
Please God, keep him in your care and watch over him.
Please God, make this a new beginning, the first day of the rest of his life, a drug free life, a long, happy and fulfilled life.
Please God, help me get through this rough time... it's truly eating away at me and killing me.

As if there's not enough turmoil in my life at this time but all the while having to deal with my feelings of fright (when I found he was being released - you see at least when he's incarcerated I know he's not doing drugs and is 'safe'), hubby's interthecal pump (affectionately called his morphine pump) that implanted in his abdomen, stopped working July 19th!  He's not been getting his morphinc so in addition to going through withdrawl (and not knowing it because we didn't know the pump stopped 4 days after his last refill) his pain level has been increasing each and every day! He's scheduled for surgery this Monday morning to have this pump removed and a new one implanted.  When his pain level increases, so too does his depression and he begins to get very clingy.  This drives me crazy!!!!

Please God, make the anti-nausea medication begin to work so he stops vomiting everything he eats.
Please God, help him deal with the pain level as it increases.
Please God, allay his fears of the upcoming surgery... this is the 3rd or 4th pump he's had implanted and for some reason, this time he's really scared.
Please God, help me get through this rough time... it's truly eating away at me and killing me.

Oh God, I come to you so often to help me and mine when times are so rough.  I often feel like I am at your ear constantly.  I often say that I don't have to look much further than my front door to find a soul in more pain than I, and for that I am grateful but (and I hate that there's a but) I am drowning, I am popping up and gasping for breath, I am at your mercy, I am feeling very much defeated.

Thank you for all the good you have given me.  I have a wonderful family, beautiful grandsons that make me so happy and a job to help pay the bills.  I am just going through a rough time and I sure could use your grace to help me deal with these issues.

Please God, keep my hubby & son in your heart these next few weeks and see both through their individual turmoils to a happy, pain free life.

I am dropping all these requests into your care and know that your will shall be done.

Amen.

He's taken the 'deal'.... ugh!

Well everyone's favorite inmate
has had his day in court and looks
like he's taken the 'deal'.

Apparently, choice was to go
straight to state pen for 3- 4 years or...
get out in less than month,
report to Drug Court once a week &
report to Parole once a week....
and he took the deal.

Guess my letter to him needs to be done
sooner rather than later.

He needs to understand that he no longer
will live under my roof.  He needs his
counselor in prision to help him locate a
halfway house in which to try to build his
life anew.  He needs to now live on his
own and make better decisions for himself
without the luxury of my home as shelter.

We thought providing the basic necessities
was the way to help him but he proved us
wrong, so that's now been taken off the plate.

Geez, just when I thought I could take a breath
and relax, he's getting out.  I can already feel the
fear and worry rising within.

Crap! $%^*(*&^%$#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@#%&*
Here we go again!

UGH!